There has been much controversy during the past several weeks regarding these words offered five years ago by President George W. Bush concerning the Iraq War. Political pundits are arguing both sides in this debate about the message communicated by these words. While the purpose of this article is not to add another opinion regarding this political debate, the words "mission accomplished" resonate with me in thinking about parenting of adult children.

As parents we strive towards helping support our children reach those important milestones of graduation from high school and college. We look forward to our children turning 18 and 21 and becoming strong adults who are prepared to take on the world. From a parent's perspective there is a sense of relief and in many cases a feeling of "mission accomplished" once these milestones have been achieved. Many parents tend to turn their focus away from their children and feel unburdened by the pressures they have been carrying with parenting for nearly two decades. This is especially true in families where it has been a single parent who has assumed responsibility for parenting either due to divorce, illness of a spouse, or a dysfunctional family.

In the last several years, I have worked with several families who have had trouble coping with their adult children who didn't meet their parents' expectations and were unsuccessful in life in finding careers, being financially independent, or finding a spouse. In each instance what came out in therapy was the feeling on  the part of the adult child of being overwhelmed by the demands of life and unclear why they had failed. All of them felt unsupported by parents who were simply trying to teach them about taking responsibility for their lives.

It is important as a parent to step back and analyze our parenting styles throughout the years. It is often our own approach that creates this problem later in life for our children. As parents we start out making all the decisions for our children and gradually should be including them in the decision making process. "Adulthood" arrives ever so slowly. It is important we continue to provide guidance and support as our children shoulder more responsibility. The world in which our children live is so different from that our generation. It is filled at times with great pressures and uncertainties. Our support will go a long way towards helping them through this final stage. Our children not only want our guidance and support, they also want our faith and approval for decisions they make.

Parents need to help their adult children establish their own identity and help prepare them for relationship and financial struggles, make a career, and deal with work pressures. It is essential that we establish an open and honest communication between ourselves and our children. It is only once this is achieved that the mission is accomplished. At least for now!